PHONEY

by Ronnie Barker

Man in phone box, dialling. Female voice answers.

FEMALE VOICE

Number please?

MAN

Is that Interpol?

FEMALE

This is the exchange, sir. What number did you require?

MAN

Interpol. I want to speak to Interpol.

FEMALE

Hold the line, sir.

A pause. Buzzing and clicking.

POLICE VOICE

Wandsworth police station. Can I help you, sir?

MAN

I want Interpol, please.

PC

I'll connect you with Scotland Yard, sir. Hold on.

More clicking.

SCOTLAND YARD VOICE

Scotland Yard here. Who do you wish to speak to, sir?

MAN

Interpol.

SCOTLAND YARD

Is it priority, sir?

MAN

Er – yes, please.

SCOTLAND YARD

Hold the line please.

More clicking.

INTERPOL VOICE

Hello. Interpol here.

MAN

Oh, Interpol? I want to send some flowers by wire to my mother.